Have you become all too aware of how your partner loads the dishwasher incorrectly? Do you know precisely when they are flossing their teeth? Have they always watched this much TV after work? Is THIS how they live when you’re not around?!
If you’ve been sharing your shoebox NYC apartment with a partner for 23 hours a day since March, you may be confused as to why anyone would predict a “Coronial baby boom” – you can barely stand your partner! If sex is the last thing on your mind, you’re not alone: many couples are reporting a decrease in sex drive and frequency as they struggle to cope with intense familiarity.
Most couples do best when they have at least some time apart. Individual activities or hobbies, separate friend groups, and solitary outings give us something to talk about with our partners. The things we do without our partners create a sense of interest, mystery, or excitement. It provides us with something to talk about at the end of the day, a way of continually learning about this person we’ve chosen. But when both partners are living, working, and exercising at home, this once-fascinating person is now just a pajama-clad roommate who again ate the last of the leftover takeout.
With so many of your favorite activities closed, canceled, or changed in a fundamentally unappealing manner it can be difficult to find sources of pleasure outside the home. Novelty is becoming increasingly rare, and this lack of excitement is related to a decrease in sexual desire. To increase motivation inside the bedroom, first, get motivated outside of the bedroom.
Try these helpful tips:
- Imagine meeting your current partner early in life–maybe in college, with limited funds. You have $50 to spend on a Saturday night date. What do you do to make it memorable?
- If the evening routine has become boring, switch it up. If possible, stagger your work days so that you can alternate who finishes first. The first person to finish is responsible for cueing up their favorite nostalgic media to share with their partner–an old vinyl, a dated TV show or movie, or the coffee table book that was initially purchased in earnest.
- Have a guest bedroom? Camp out there (together) for a few nights, just for a change of scenery. Leave the phones elsewhere to diminish distractions in your “new” digs.
- Spend time alone. Think of an activity that you can do on your own. Maybe you walk to a new neighborhood to check out the architecture, pick up a croissant from the French place on the corner, or discover a new nook in the park for the perfect reading spot. At the end of the day, you’ll have something new to share with your partner.
These ideas are just a few to get you started. While it might not get you to the bedroom every day of the week, introducing some novelty is often the first step in getting you back on track.